An Appreciation of our friend David Teixeira

Never has a man with so little to offer the opposite sex been so bold in the women he chooses to approach as you, David Teixeira. Never have your goofy looks prevented you from pursuing the most stunning girl in the bar. By no means has your limited vocabulary and nonsensical accent stopped you from chatting up sophisticated belles. Not once has it occurred to you that the striking young woman might be bored to tears as you wax poetic about the Red Sox or Patriots or Larry Bird. In no way do you realize that her darting motions are an effort to escape and not a new dance move. Not once have you realized she is laughing at you and not with you.

Not since the Cleveland State Vikings visited the Smith Center has there been such a mismatch in Chapel Hill as you and her. Like the plucky Vikings, you believe you can win when everyone else knows you can’t. You’ll be aggressive and play with heart, but alas, your general lack of skill will result in a massacre with everyone watching. But you are unfazed by failure, undeterred by rejection, unyielding in the face of further humiliation. That is why next Thursday night, instead of succumbing to the inevitable, you put back on your uniform of unmatching rayon and march back to Lucy’s to take one more shot at illusive immortality. And that is why we love you, Tex.