Student’s Admission Revoked After Password Incident

On Thursday, incoming KFBS student, Mark Perpanty, received a letter in the mail revoking his previous Kenan-Flagler acceptance letter. The reason: Perpanty failed to create a unique login password for his Onyen account. A disheartened Perpanty explained: "I just wasn't ready for this challenge so early in the year. I guess I tried all the obvious ones and they were all taken. You know, like 08GOtarheels, ilikelittleboyz79! and ashleysimpsonloverforlife69$$."

Seeking an explanation on the retroactive declination, the Onyen set forth its experienced investigative team to discuss the issue with UNC's dean of IT security, Susan Kellogg. Kellogg outlined UNC's policy regarding Onyen passwords. "We give students three tries to create a unique password. Our proprietary programs have identified 6,342,487,432,569,431 possibilities based on the stringent password guidelines. This expands on our IT strategy of reducing the amount of necessary IT support that students so desperately need by unnecessarily shifting resources to the security arena. Perpanty should be held accountable for his lack of creativity."

When pressed for a comment about the situation, UNC Program Director, Michael Stepanek, issued the following statement "We gave that little bitch three tries. Based on his initial performance, it's a wonder he made it through our admissions gauntlet in the first place."