How Casino Night Turned Violent

In the wee hours of the morning on December 11^th, a ruckus Casino Night post-party turned into a scene from Get Rich or Die Trying. At 2:30 AM, a group consisting of 2^nd years and select 1^st years was gathered at 116 Roberson, to put the finishing touches on a magical evening. The euphoria was shattered as a gunman in a passing car fired 50-60 rounds into the living room sending the well dressed revelers diving for cover. Women screamed, men cried. Tolliver Williams used his wife as a human shield. Only one man stood his ground, unfazed by danger. That man was Matt Seals.

Armed only with a stunning white dinner jacket and a smart red cashmere scarf, Seals followed the would-be assassins into the neighboring house in search of vengeance. Upon kicking in the door, he was met with a hail of gunfire. Seals was hit eight times, once in each major organ. He lost ten pints of blood, but not before bludgeoning all four perpetrators to death with their own detached limbs.

Paramedics were called to the scene where they loaded the fallen hero into a waiting ambulance, but not before he finished his beer. “All those bullets, all that blood and his jacket still looked immaculate”, remarked sidekick Tommy Kiler. “The man is a stone cold pimp.”

When the Onyen inquired to Mr. Seals regarding these allegations, he replied, “It’s all true and my upcoming rap album will document my pain.”