Ladies, when was the last time you went to Lucy’s on a Thursday night hoping to hook up with Dave Bachstetter, only to end up with Dan Swanstrom. How can a night go so terribly wrong? Sometimes a simple phrase can mean all the difference between a disappointing outcome like this and cutting your losses and going home by yourself.
Well we here at the Onyen want to help you maintain your remaining dignity. That is why we have teamed up with CWIB to compile this list of helpful phrases that let a guy know that there is no chance, no way. So the next time you are dancing to your favorite Journey song with the girls at Lucy’s and some stiff tries to grind up on you, give him the Heisman by dropping one these lines on him:
- Why don’t you go buy us girls a round of drinks …at the Wine Bar.
- I’d like to go home with you tonight, but I have to rush back and check on Littlefield.
- I would kiss you, but your lips have been all over Greg Brown’s ass.
- I don’t do dudes that aren’t sustainable.
- Wouldn’t it make you feel better to get rejected by an undergrad tonight?
- I’d love to practice casing with you, just not in your bedroom.
- Hector’s at 2:30 in the morning is not really my idea of a first date.
- If no one in your own class will hook up with you, what makes you think you’ll have better luck with us 1st years?
- Me going home with you would be both a Type I & Type II error.
- I’m afraid we’re going to have to pass on you for second rounds.
- I would dance with you, but
- Had you developed better self-awareness in Leading & Managing, you’d realize you have no chance here.
- I’m sure your I-Banking internship would impress someone, just not me.
- The marginal utility of your company declines with each passing second.
- Don’t you have mono, Swanstrom?
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